


Dances on Clouds

by gillywulf



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, First Meetings, Happy Ending, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-06-05 19:41:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6719152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gillywulf/pseuds/gillywulf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She shifted in the stretcher and froze. There, standing regally outside of the mammoth sized door to Mount Weather was the most gorgeous woman Clarke had ever seen. Her head, no longer foggy with exhaustion took stock of every detail it could.</p><p>Her posture was ram-rod straight and all of the Grounders stayed behind her unless they were doing actual work. Her chin tipped up to exaggerate a truly sharp jawline that disappeared into thick wavy brown hair, braided intricately. She turned her head and suddenly the most green eyes she’d ever seen were locked on hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Clarke hit the ground, she did her best to listen to her mother.

_Your instincts will tell you to take care of everybody else first, just like your father. But be careful, I can’t lose you, too.  
_

She kept out of most people’s way, she didn’t get involved in the ‘political’ arguments, she hid when Grounders attacked. She ignored her most basic instincts to help, to go to Mount Weather, to tell Bellamy and Murphy off for getting rid of their wristbands.

Her mother needed her and she wasn’t going to make her lose both of the people she loved.

But the world made sure she got involved anyway. She was forced to fight the Grounders, she even helped Raven ‘launch’ the dropship and she was taken to Mount Weather by force, just like everyone else.

Even then, she tried to trust Jasper and Monty’s judgement. She tried to let Fox and Harper and Miller lead the few of them that were left into good situations. She tried.

But then they started to disappear, they started to go missing, and that was it. She began talking to Monty, whispering in Jasper’s ear, nudging Harper. She would be involved, but she would be the face of no people.

And when she was strapped to a table and drilled, well, she decided to forget that.

Halfway through her ‘operation’, the room was flooded with Grounders and she passed out. She woke up on a stretcher being carried by massive men covered with armor and facepaint. She recognized one of them as the Grounder Octavia had helped set free. The pain clouded her mind as she fought to stay conscious a little longer, but it was proving to be too hard. Her brain was dimming and she was _so_ tired.

She shifted in the stretcher and froze. There, standing regally outside of the mammoth sized door to Mount Weather was the most gorgeous woman Clarke had ever seen. Her head, no longer foggy with exhaustion took stock of every detail it could.

Her posture was ram-rod straight and all of the Grounders stayed behind her unless they were doing actual work. Her chin tipped up to exaggerate a truly sharp jawline that disappeared into thick wavy brown hair, braided intricately. She turned her head and suddenly the most green eyes she’d ever seen were locked on hers.

-

It took almost a month and a half for Clarke’s bones to heal. It would be a lot longer before the pain in her brain to do the same. The good news was that her mom was on Earth, and while she was still furious with her about the fate of her father (she didn’t have long enough with Wells, but she had enough time to get that), she also knew she needed the comfort of a mom and the medical expertise of Dr. Griffin. It was a change of pace that she appreciated.

The time also gave her the ability to sit in one place for a while and observe the Grounders that came to Camp Jaha - or Arkadia as it was soon going to be called. They helped with building, with medical (that was how she learned the name of Octavia’s Grounder, Lincoln was one of their better healers and ended up helping in the Medical Wing often enough), fight training, and all sorts of things.

The Commander walked among the proceedings with a casual grace that startled Clarke. With her hands behind her back, she’d sweep through camp, her face blank and disinterested. Occasionally her eyes would find Clarke’s closer to the Ark and a shiver would run down her spine. It was alluring. They had never talked, but Clarke looked forward to the time when they would.

Two months after Mount Weather, there was a celebration for the newfound alliance. The Grounders - or Trikru as Lincoln had mentioned - provided the meat (carts piled high with deer, hogs, and turkey) and the Arkers provided the alcohol. The bonfire was lit as soon as the night went dark and Jasper wasted no time at all getting absolutely hammered (his Mount Weather girlfriend Maya was still in containment until they could give her another dose of Jasper’s marrow as he was the only one willing to donate for her).

Clarke, finally healed and healthy, spent as much of the night as she could staring at the Commander. Raven nudged her repeatedly and laughed into her hand to Finn.

“You going to go talk to her yet?” she asked with another elbow to the ribs.

“I’m working up to it” Clarke raised her almost empty cup of moonshine.

“Well work up to it faster, girl! You’ve got competition! Take a look around!” Across from them on the other side of the bonfire was a small group where a woman stared just as openly at the Commander as Clarke did. And to her left a pair of girls giggled between one another, their eyes bashfully catching on the woman before tearing themselves away, too afraid to be caught.

“It seems I do” She downed the rest of her drink in one swift gulp and stood slightly too fast. Her legs were still a little too wobbly for her taste. But even with her legs, her steps toward the Commander were sure and steady.

Green eyes found hers again and Clarke made sure to keep her own gaze confident. She could barely imagine the number of eyes on her as she stopped just before the leader of all the Grounders.

“Commander” She dipped her head in greeting and tried to ignore the way the flames played off the woman’s face.

“You are Clarke, daughter of Chancellor Abby, correct?” Her voice was higher than Clarke expected but at the same time, it sounded deeper than her normal speaking voice. Clarke liked the way her name rolled off her tongue.

“I am” The Commander nodded gently.

“What can I do for you Clarke?” The liquid courage kicked in right on time and she felt her insides stiffen for just long enough to get the question out.

“Do you dance Commander?” She’d watched the Grounders dance just long enough to get a hang of the steps. It looked fun, but also not strenuous enough to tire her out. ‘Fully healed’ meant ‘able to be human again’, not necessarily ‘same as before’.

“Are you asking me to?” There was a hint of playfulness in her voice and Clarke loved it.

“I am” she admitted. The statement was meant with a long pause during which the short haired general with a tattoo on her face murmured something into the Commander’s ear, her eyes full of disdain as they raked over Clarke’s body. However, the amused look never once faded from the Commander’s eyes. Slowly, but with no hesitation, the Commander rose to her feet.

“I do enjoy dancing from time to time” Clarke’s heart pounded painfully in her chest as they walked together to the other dancing couples. By now they had most of the party’s eyes on them. It fell like a heavy weight on her shoulders, a sudden burden of expectation and confusion. The Commander’s hand touched hers and suddenly it was all gone.

The people, the music, the fire, all of it was gone in favor of the beautiful girl who looked at her with intrigue and none of the calculating coldness of Clarke’s own people. The rest of it continued to melt away the longer they danced. It was so easy to imagine the girl away from her post, relaxing or training or reading, but not as the Commander. No, as...

“What is your name?” Clarke asked. Their faces were close and she was beginning to get lost in green.

“Lexa”

“ _Lexa_ ” Clarke rolled the name around in her mouth, feeling the easy way it fell from her lips. “That’s a nice name”

“As is ‘Clarke’” They turned, touched different hands.

“How long have you been Commander?”

“A few years. Do you like living on the ground?”

“When I’m not being hunted in any way, yes” The intimacy of the moment nearly choked her. The conversation wasn’t all that deep, but the way that Lexa looked at her, like there was nothing else in the world that could interest her, set her bones on fire. It was addicting. “What about women?” Lexa arched an eyebrow.

“What about them?” It hadn’t escaped Clarke’s notice that only women seemed to be staring at the Commander. Men seemed not to linger over her the way Clarke had.

“Do you like them?” She kept her eyes focused as her hands found Lexa’s again and they turned, and then turned once more.

“From time to time” Her green eyes flickered to Clarke’s mouth.

“That’s reasonable” Her grip on Lexa’s hand was a little firmer than it was before.

“And you? Do you like women?”

“Yes” Clarke left no room for hesitation. She wanted to be clear that yes, she was attracted to Lexa, intrigued by her and there wasn’t much she’d give up to get to know her more. The musicians brought the song to an expectant end and left Clarke and Lexa staring at one another, probably much closer than politeness dictated. “Thank you for dancing with me”

“Thank you for asking. Have a good night, Clarke” Lexa bowed her head the slightest, but never broke eye-contact.

“And you, Lexa” She turned back to where she’d been sitting before to find Raven and Finn openly gaping at her. Wordlessly, Raven held up her cup of moonshine that Clarke took and downed without a second thought.

“That was the most sexually charged dance I’ve ever seen. And I was at our under 18s New Years parties” Lexa had clasped her hands behind her back and strolled easily back to her throne. The general from before looked agitated and started speaking as she sat down. However, it didn’t look like she was listening, as her lips were quirked into a minuscule smile and her eyes found purchase again on Clarke.

“She’s kind of amazing” Clarke mumbled.

“Careful there, you look a little smitten” Finn’s voice floated through her ears, but Lexa just denied a different girl a dance as her eyes came back to Clarke, so she didn’t much care.

“A little”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I accidentally decided to continue this. No guarantees on updates or anything.

“This poultice is tricky because too much of it could poison someone. Never use more than can fit on your thumb” Lincoln plunged his thumb into a small jar and lifted up a small dollop of medicine. Clarke nodded eagerly. 

“So on smaller wounds, pinky size?” she asked. He nodded, scraping the poultice back into the jar. 

“Even that may be too big. It will depend on the wound” Her hand flew over a notebook she usually kept in her pocket. Abby had asked her to take notes on anything Lincoln was willing to teach them, and frankly, Clarke liked him. He was intimidating - tall, muscular, tattooed - but he was so gentle. 

They way he spoke and moved held open a door of insight that assured Clarke of his harmlessness. At the same time, she was sure that if any harm were to ever come to those he loved - namely Octavia - he would have no qualms about rectifying the situation. It was refreshing. Especially when her own people seemed so quick to jump the gun. 

As she wrote and scribbled out a diagram and Lincoln screwed the cap on to the jar, a commotion outside warned them of incoming patients. Sure enough, Indra burst through the door, Lexa, and Anya trailing after her. Anya held a thick cloth down to Lexa’s shoulder and pushed her towards the direction of an open bed. 

“She was stabbed during training. Help her” Indra growled as she shoved Clarke to Lexa’s bed. Oddly enough, as the only injured party, Lexa seemed rather unconcerned. She rolled her eyes at every command her lieutenants gave and scowled at their general being there. 

“Get out” Anya looked as if she’d smelled horse dung. 

“Heda-”

“I can handle being alone at the healers’“ She leveled them both with a glare heavy enough to send them both stomping away. That left only Clarke, Lexa, and Lincoln in the Wing. Lincoln moved to grab a roll of bandages, but Lexa raised a hand to stop him. “I want to see the Skaikru’s methods at work” He hesitated, but finally nodded and left the room. 

For a moment, Clarke was overwhelmed. She was alone with the Commander in a field that she was still technically training in. But Clarke needed to impress her, if not for her mother’s sake, for her own. If there was any time to impress a pretty girl, this was it. 

Clarke cleared her throat uncomfortably before crossing the room to the bandages and grabbing disinfectant on her way. She stopped just in front of Lexa’s bed and took in the sight of her. She was gleaming with sweat from the fight, her hair frizzy and wild. Her long regal coat was going to be ruined by the vertical slash over her left shoulder. Lexa continued to hold the formerly white cloth over it, but its changing color told Clarke that she needed to start work. 

But then she looked at Lexa’s face. 

The green eyes she remembered from the bonfire were that much more dizzying in the daylight. She could see the flecks of other colors and tones and _oh_ she could get so lost in them. It certainly didn’t help that her face was slack with calm and amusement as she stared into Clarke’s face. It felt like she was asking her to dance all over again. 

Her hand reached out and pried the cloth carefully away from the wound to see that it was thankfully shallower than she’d first expected. It looked like all she needed to do was disinfect, stitch, and wrap. Easy enough. But Lexa’s coat was in the way. 

“It doesn’t look too bad, but I’ll need you to take your coat off. Can you do that?” Clarke kept her hands focused on pulling thread from a spool for the stitches. Her hands itched to tear layers off the Commander and touch skin that she just _knew_ would be rough and weathered. 

“Mostly. It may be hard for my left sleeve, but I’ll do what I can” Lexa’s reply came with muffled rustling as she shimmied out of the material. When she turned back to Lexa, Clarke found the coat mostly removed (it was caught on her left wrist) and the Commander was rushing to unfasten her shirt for even better access. Clarke forced herself to swallow her lust. 

“Let me help” She untangled Lexa’s hand from the sleeve and set it aside, then she carefully rolled part of Lexa’s shirt away from the wound. Naturally, it revealed more skin of the woman than she’d ever seen. The lust she swallowed fought to climb back up her throat and become a knot there, but she managed to prevent that. She was a _doctor_ now. The human body was just that, the human body. Lexa’s was just very attractive. 

The scent of the blood mixed with the scent of sweat and something like dirt as Clarke ripped open her first disinfectant packet. She felt Lexa’s gaze like a physical thing on the side of her face as she brushed the packet over the wound, careful not to cause her more pain than necessary. She knew that they were close. She was distinctly aware of it. 

“Did you do this before you fell?” Lexa’s voice was soft. Clarke almost missed it, as lost in her own head as she was. 

“Do what?”

“Were you a healer in the sky? You act as if you have been doing this for a long time” the Commander clarified. It was flattering to be told she was doing a good job, especially who it was coming from. 

“No, I wasn’t. My mom was and I learned a little bit from her here and there. I might have had we stayed up there, but down here, there’s no real choice” She tossed the packet in a trash barrel and picked up the needle and thread again. 

“What would you have done if given the choice?” Clarke spared a glance to the woman. Her eyes were laced with curiosity and her free hand twitched against her knee like she forcing herself to keep it in one place. 

“I don’t know. I like to draw, but it’s not exactly a practical skill” She punctuated her statement by slipping the point of the needle into Lexa’s skin. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lexa close her eyes and deliberately slow her breathing. It was a gorgeous sight. 

“I don’t know,” the Commander began between breaths, “I think it has its uses”

“Like what?” A calloused hand fell lightly on top on hers, stopping the stitches. Lexa was staring at her again. 

“You have very steady hands” she mumbled. 

“And an eye for beautiful things” Clarke was sharply aware of how close they were - enough that she could feel Lexa’s breath on her skin - but there was nothing she could do to move away. She had no power to. Green eyes trapped her and pulled her in. She could kiss her. With no trouble, she could lean forward and feel just how soft Lexa’s lips actually were. 

She could do it. 

A loud crash outside broke the moment and the eye contact. Blinking, Clarke shook her head and resumed the stitches. She _could_ kiss Lexa, but _should_ she? A question best saved for another day. She tugged the last stitch through and tied it off, avoiding Lexa’s gaze all the while. It was just as determined as before, but Clarke needed to work. 

“Keep it clean, change dressings every night before bed, don’t do anything too strenuous that may pop a stitch. If something does happen, come see me right away” Clarke rambled off the words like she’d memorized them (she had) as her hands wrapped the wound. Anything to keep her from doing something so ill-advised as kissing the woman in front of her.

“I understand” Lexa said easily, though Clarke was sure she was going to pop a stitch at some point. She swiftly tied off the wrap and stepped back.

“All done. Do you need help getting your coat on?” She picked up the garment that had fallen haphazardly to the ground as Lexa nodded. With significant difficulty, they slipped one arm into a sleeve and then the other, Clarke moved back to Lexa’s front and smoothed down part that had gotten caught under her arm. And just like that, they were too close again. The air rushed from her lungs but she didn’t move.

“Thank you for your help. It is good to know someone so skillful is looking after our people” _Our people_. The phrase sent a tingle up Clarke’s spine. 

“I think they’d rather have a good Commander like you” She stared back into green eyes with a challenge. If anything was going to happen between them, and their two encounters hinted there might, Clarke wasn’t going to be the one to initiate. Lexa was the leader, here. She had more to lose. Hesitantly, Lexa untangled herself from the blond. There was work to be done.

“Have a good day, Clarke”

“And you, Lexa” With a final nod, the woman disappeared through the Wing doors. Not a moment later, Lincoln entered where she left.

“Did it go well?” he asked. Clarke nodded, breathless.

“Very”


	3. Chapter 3

Since the peace with the Grounders had become a real solid thing, the Skaikru’s search for other Arkfall survivors became a priority. Small units went out every day with tracking devices meant for picking up any sort of electronic signal. Often, a Grounder warrior would go with them for both protection and as a guide. It was good for morale. 

Except they went months without finding anyone. 

Clarke was keenly aware of the fact as she loaded herself into the from seat of a Land Rover. She’d studied maps and asked others for personal accounts in an attempt to find _something_. It would be her first leadership role outside of the Medical Wing. Naturally, Lexa had heard, as had Lexa’s guards, and now three horses were trailing beside the Rover, one of them the bright white of Lexa’s mare. 

“We ready to get this show on the road?” Raven swung herself into the driver’s seat and turned to check that everyone in the back was who was supposed to be there. All three kids and Mr. Miller nodded in confirmation. “Let’s hit it then”

The engine roared to life. Clarke glanced in the mirror just in time to see Lexa’s horse rear up on its hind legs before bolting out into a dead sprint to gallop side-by-side with the Rover. They pulled up to the window and _oh_ was it a dazzling sight. 

Lexa was in light armor that showed off her slight but strong figure. Her face was free of warpaint - she more it more often than not - and her hair waved in the wind behind her. Her smile certainly didn’t detract from the image. Clarke swallowed her heart and pulled a map from her backpack. 

“We headed the right way, Little Griffin?” Raven glanced at the map from the corner of her eye.

“So far yes, Keep the course straight”

“Because that’s obviously too hard for you” Clarke closed her eyes. 

“Raven, no” she sighed, exasperated. Cackling followed them for the rest of the journey. They reached a deep thicket of trees when the tracker beeped loudly. Clarke reached for it. A tiny green dot on the top left of the screen blinked rapidly, sending a shock wave through her body. “Course correct a little north. There’s something ahead. Let’s hope it’s one of us”

“You got it” The Rover lurched with a sudden burst of speed, careful not to crash into any thick trees. The horses whinnied somewhere behind them, but a quick glance to the rear-view mirrors assured that they still tailed the vehicle. It was almost midday by the time they were on top of the tiny green dot. Conveniently, the trees broke into a clearing. 

“Let’s stop here and look around” As the Rover creaked to a stop - no matter how great the condition it was, breaks still needed replacing - Lexa and one of the guards trotted up to the window. 

“Why are we stopping?” she asked, leaning into the window. Her proximity was almost enough to throw Clarke, but she kept her head on. 

“We got something on the radar, we’re going to take a look to see if we find anything” Lexa nodded and slid from her horse. Clarke watched as her deft hands tied the reigns to the side of the Rover. Despite the lack of solid situation, Lexa was in control, she was in her element. Her back was straight, adding to her height and reminding any on-lookers just how powerful it was. Clarke liked it. 

The group spread out within sight of one another and moved slowly towards where the signal was coming from. Clarke’s eyes swept over the field. If her eyes caught on Lexa’s back more than once, no one was there to call her on it. 

“Halt! Who are you?” The group froze as a voice seemed to materialize out of thin air. Clarke couldn’t see any shadows in the tall grass. No help in finding the voice. 

“My name is Clarke Griffin from Alpha Station. We are looking for more Arkfall survivors! We mean you no harm!” For a long heavy moment, there was nothing. Then, like the fastest growing plants she’d ever seen, at least fifty - definitely more - people rose out of the grass. Some had makeshift knives, others had swords the looks suspiciously Grounder-like, and there were even a few guns. A short broad man with a bald head marched closer to them. 

“Clarke Griffin. What a surprise” he grinned widely at her and help out his hand. 

“Mr. Pike. Good to see you. How many are you?” They clasped hands and he brought her into a tight hug. 

“86. We used to be a little over a hundred before the Grounders started killing us” He pulled back and looked over Clarke’s unit. At the sight of Lexa and her guards, his gun was up and aimed, all joviality gone from his face. “ _Just_ like them” Lexa gripped her sword, but kept it in its sheath. 

“Pike!” Clarke pushed her way in front of him. Her hands pushed at his chest as she tried to keep an eye on the other 85 survivors. “You will _not_ harm them!” He whipped his scowl to her. 

“ _They_ have been killing us! If I don’t kill them, then we’ll be dead” he growled he fixed his aim again. 

“We did not come here with the intention of hurting anyone” Lexa released her hold on her sword and held her hands at chest height. Her guards glanced first at her, then each other, before hesitantly copying the action. 

“No one is getting hurt today. Pike, put that _down_. You’re going to end up shooting someone you don’t mean to. The Commander has been on the forefront of fostering peace with us and I will not have _you_ messing that up. Put it down and get your people ready to move. We have a lot of ground to cover if we want to get back to Arkadia before nightfall” Clarke gave him another hard shove, forcing him to stagger backwards. She turned towards the 85 others, suddenly aware of how small and not at all intimidating she was. “Go to your camp and pack up. We are leaving in an hour” She shot Pike one more glare and huffed back to the Rover. Lexa reached for her shoulder when she was close enough. 

“Clarke,” her eyes were soft and the barely there signs of a smile lit up her face. “you did well” she murmured. Clarke felt the tips of her ears flush. She was grateful that her hair covered them.

“Thank you. Would you mind helping us get everyone ready? They might trust you more if they see you among them and not about to kill them” Lexa’s smile brightened for a moment, amused by the joke and she nodded. 

“Artigas, Gustus, sis emo au,” The two men nodded and followed Raven and the others in the Rover to the campsite. “Clarke, before you go, I wanted to say thank you”

“For what?” She blinked in confusion. She had barely done anything, what could she be thanking her for? She tried to remember, but Lexa was close again, and frankly, it was making her head a jumbled mess. Still, the thought of moving away never occurred to her.

“When the man ah, Pike, raised his weapon to me, you did not think about it before jumping in front of it. It was a dangerous thing to do, but I appreciate it. I hope one day to return that trust you have for me” Long, thin fingers laced with her her own as Lexa raised their joined hands and pressed her lips to the back of Clarke’s hand. Not once did she break eye-contact. Clarke nodded dumbly and Lexa smiled once more. She carefully dropped the hand and followed her guard. 

Clarke stared after her, breathless. It felt like a running theme. A deep voice awkwardly coughed next to her. Pike was looking anywhere but her when she turned. 

“So is your _puppy love_ the reason for this ‘peace’? Because neither will last and we’ll still be left out to dry and they will still try to kill us” He kept his eyes on his people, but his hard set jaw gave away the focus he had on Lexa. 

“No, it’s built on the fact that they saved many of our lives and are still helping us build up our people when they could have left us at any point. My feelings about them have nothing to do with peace, and neither should yours” Clarke felt a rush of satisfaction flood her body. Maybe she could be good at this leader thing. Maybe she could be in charge of people like her instincts dictated and not end up with everything catastrophic. And maybe she could have a ‘puppy love’. Would that be so bad?


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke didn’t like sleeping. 

Too easily, she could be pulled back into Mount Weather, strapped to a table as a drill descended into her body. Too easily she could see the bodies of a third of the hundred strewn on the ground after the Grounders first attacked. Too easy. Too easy.

So she took frequent walks along Arkadia’s border fence. The chilly night air pimpled her skin and filled her lungs, forcing her body to wake up take in the dark surroundings. The Ark jutted out of the ground like a child’s building blocks project gone wrong. It certainly didn’t help to think of how it looked in space, massive, dilapidated, yes, but still majestic. 

“Do you do this often?” Clarke whirled around at the sudden voice to find Lexa strolling towards, her, hands clasped behind her back as her eyes took in the Ark as well. 

“Sometimes.” She stared the Commander down, “do you?” Lexa shrugged as she came to a stop beside her. 

“No. My advisors do not appreciate the times I leave myself vulnerable” she answered. Her eyes shine in the minimal light and Clarke has to forcibly remind herself to breathe. She allowed herself for a moment to pretend this was normal. What if every night she and Lexa went for an evening walk? What if it gave them the opportunity to talk about anything, everything? What would that mean?

“How’s your shoulder?” Clarke asked after pushing herself from her own head. Lexa shrugged again. 

“Hurts” she murmured with a playful smile. Clarke snorted. Together, the pair continued walking along the fence. Clarke’s fantasy lived in the moment where they talked about their upbringings, about parents that were slipping from their memories, about those they needed to protects, to keep alive at all cost. They walked too close and talked too quietly. Their smiles were too gentle. 

Neither of them noticed that the sun was rising until it was already up and people were leaving their settlements to start the day. They walked together into the Ark, this time in silence, but no less unhurried, until they stood outside Clarke’s room. The blond leaned her back to the door as she gazed at the woman in front of her. What a sight. 

Then Lexa was standing too close. Then her eyes dipped once, twice, three times to Clarke’s lips. Then she leaned in. Then their noses brushed it was _finally_ about to happen-

“Clarke?” Lexa ripped herself away and immediately adopted a stronger stance and a blank face. Clarke’s heart dropped at the sight of her mother staring down at her clipboard. “I need you to run the Med Wing today. I have full confidence you can do it, you pretty much have been. I’m going to run it by the council today that you should be given the Doctor title and officially be in charge of any medical operations,” she looked up finally and blinked in surprise at Lexa. “Commander. Good morning”

“Good morning, Chancellor” she dipped her chin in deference and gave Clarke one last look before disappearing around the corner. Clarke sighed in frustration. Her mother noticed. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked as her eyes narrowed in concern. The clipboard dropped to her side but her grip on it tightened. 

“Nothing, I need to get changed” The door swung open with perhaps more gusto than Clarke meant, but she pushed through the doorway without second  guessing how it made her look. 

“Clarke, why have you been so distant lately? I’m just trying-”

“ _Mom_!” Silence settled over the room long enough for Clarke to bring her heart rate down. Her mother stood in the doorway with the fear and apprehension on her face that Clarke felt settle in her stomach. “Mom, when you sent me down to Earth, you told me to take care of _myself_ , to let everyone else figure out how to survive, and I have. I’ve spent all this effort trying to stay alive and not get things tangled up and I don’t know how different it could all be if I had done something, but right now I know two things-”

“Clarke-”

“Wait,” she took a deep breath to start over, “One; you told Jaha about Dad which got him killed and me arrested,” Abby’s jaw tightened. It was a horrible thing for Clarke to see her mother virtually admit what she’d done, but she was still pushing through. She’d get there when the time came. “I’m still figuring out how I feel about that, so please, let me. And number two is that for the first time in my life, I’m _this_ close to being a little happy. There’s peace, I’m surrounded by friends, I’m-” 

She clamped her jaw shut. Was it too early to say she was in love? Almost definitely. Two months of watching Lexa from afar, a few overtly flirtatious conversations, and a handful of heart-to-hearts love did not make. Was there a chance for it to happen? Lexa’s soft eyes flashed through her mind. Yes. There was a major chance. 

“What?” Abby coaxed softly. She took a step further into the room in an effort to minimize the distance between them, but the distance was more than the length of the room. 

“I’m finding that maybe I can be in love” The admission clearly stunned her mother. The woman straightened and her eyes widened. “I want to feel those” she murmured. Silence weighted them down like none ever had before. 

When she was younger, Clarke told her parents everything. She told them that she suspected Wells was in love with her and how she didn’t feel the same, she told them about how she didn’t think it was fair that they had so much privilege when others had nothing, she told them the moment she realized she liked girls, everything. So the fact that she was holding back for the first time in her life was significant and Abby seemed to understand it. She cleared her throat and set her shoulders with a slow nod. 

“Okay” Clarke narrowed her eyes. 

“‘Okay’?”

“I won’t deny what happened with your father. It was a miscalculation that- never mind. The point is, I’ve messed up. And you deserve at least time and space. And as your mother, I will _always_ encourage you to chase your happiness” Clarke gaped at her. 

“Thank you” Abby nodded.

“Now please,” she began, adding a mental note to have a _conversation_ with Lexa, “put some clothes on”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

To have peace so readily available after everything that had happened was startling.

It was hard for the Arkers and the Grounders to settle into a daily living pace that included farming, reading, and yes, playing. No world-ending battles loomed in the distance, no deadly rivalries rattled the bones of the present, and no mistakes of the past haunted their backs.

For the first time in one hundred years, people were living.

Clarke reveled in it. She built a routine around the medical wing, art, and Lexa. It was good. She felt all of the rough edges of her life smooth away with each passing day. She was new. She was starting again from the base of who she was and who she should be.

She could breathe.

“Hold still for me please” Bellamy flattened his lips and kept his eyes far away from his wound. He didn’t like to watch the stitches.

“Can you go any faster?” he grumbled after two. Clarke rolled her eyes and an extra tug on the thread, earning a jerk from his body in its discomfort.

“No” Bellamy huffed. It was his own fault. He’d taken an unnecessary risk in exploring a sinkhole even when others had tried to persuade him that it was a bad idea. The three inch gash in his leg spoke of who was right. For a long while, they let the soft sounds of their breathing fill the wing, letting Clarke concentrate on her job, as her new title of ‘Doctor’ Clarke Griffin made her take more pride in her work.

“So you and the Commander, huh?” Clarke did freeze at that, her eyes darting up to meet his, wide in shock. “Oh, come on, it’s not exactly as if you two are subtle. You’re always together and talking uncomfortably close. Is it serious?”

“Are you and Gina serious?” She forced her gaze back to the stitches and tugged again. His groan turned to a laugh.

“You could have done worse for yourself”

“Bellamy!” Octavia’s sudden entrance startled them both, but thankfully Clarke didn’t have the needle pointed to his skin anymore. With a relieved breath, she snipped the thread and moved to a cabinet for cleaning supplies. “What did you do?” She grabbed his leg with nervous fingers.

“O, I’m fine”

“Bull-fucking-shit! She just gave you like, a thousand stitches!” Her hands gestured wildly as her voice climbed in octave and volume.

“Fifteen” Clarke threw in.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m fine” The two siblings burst into bickering, words flying at each other and barely making and impact. Clarke let herself tune it out as she gathered salve, gauze, and medical tape. It was the sudden silence of the siblings that made her pay attention. Both of them stared at the doorway, the Commander watching the two of them in interest.

“Lexa” The name slipped out before she had a chance to stop it, but the soft smile on the woman’s face was enough to wash the regret away.

“Hello Clarke” Her voice was enough to push a smile onto her own face, so she ducked her head to work on Bellamy’s leg. With a pat to his knew, she proclaimed him finished. The Blakes shuffled out silently, their eyes trained on the Commander every step of the way. She nodded to them as they slipped out the door. Clarke laughed.

“They’re scared of you” she teased.

“Couldn’t fathom why” Lexa bit back a grin as she stepped further into the room.

“It could have something to do with that time you beat three guys at once during a spar” Lexa couldn’t stop the grin this time.

“Possibly” Her feet carried her another few steps closer and they were in each others space. “Clarke” she breathed.

“Lexa” The doctor giggled and laced her fingers with the grounder's. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to ask if you’d stand with me for the expansion announcement” Clarke froze. Since their night out together, they’d become almost inseparable. They ate together, walked each other to meetings, to their rooms, reclined against one another in the forest, but they had yet to define what they were, how they felt, which made Lexa’s idea even more unusual.

What she was suggesting was a confirmation. If Clarke stood at her side white she addressed both of their people, she would be saying ‘yes, I do view us as equal’. That would be all Clarke could hope for if she was in a position of power. However the fact that Clarke was nobody important could only tell them one thing.

“Why?” If she was going to make such an important decision, she needed Lexa’s reason. “What do you-”

“Be with me,” she squeezed Clarke’s fingers, her eyes lit with nerves, “my other, my niron, my-” Lips crushed against hers, effectively cutting her off. They parted once before diving back in, softer this time, gentle like they’d meant for their first kiss to be. Clarke clutched at their joined fingers and threw an arm around Lexa’s shoulder’s to keep her close. Clearly there’d be plenty of time later for her to touch those cheekbones and that jaw.

When the kiss ended, they were both panting. It wasn’t exactly strenuous, but after three and a half months of dancing around each other, of waiting for that, it was easy to lose their breath.

“Okay” she mumbled. Clarke immediately wanted to taste the grin that spread across Lexa’s cheeks a moment later. “Okay, yeah, I’d love to be that for you” Lexa chased the words with her mouth. Soft kiss after kiss was interrupted with grins and giggles.

Peace was...not so bad.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels good.

When Clarke was a little girl up in the Ark, she dreamed of a lot of things. She dreamed of Earth (first and foremost), of working with her mother in Medbay, of her father explaining how he actually did his job, of flying through space, swallowing stars as she went, and of finding the love for herself that her parents so clearly had for one another. 

Obviously, some of those things came to fruition while others didn’t. She was on the ground, waking up every morning to differing temperatures, weather, and social conditions. It was nothing and everything she hoped for. She spent most of her days with her mother in the Medical Wing, getting people back on their feet. She was never able to have a engineering conversation with her father and she’d never eaten a star - things she had eventually forced herself to come to terms with.  

Coming to the ground had changed everything. The launch forced one hundred kids to become adults in order to deal with things that they never signed up for. It was a wonder that 43 of them had left the Mountain. Clarke knew for a fact that no less than 28 of them had diagnosed PTSD. She suspected that more than half of the others merely managed to hide it.

But Clarke could easily say that coming to the ground was the best thing that happened in her life. 

She’d grown (slowly) into herself and found a confidence she never had. She loved Earth, every single part of it. She loved the grass, the rain, the shivering cold nights, the oppressively hot ones. She loved the tiny mice that ate at their food stores and the massive cats and gorillas that mutated in size.  

She loved Lexa. 

She loved waking up next to her warm body on frosty mornings, she loved the barely-there brushes of fingers as Lexa moved from one side of Arkadia to the other. She loved how Lexa taught her about the plants in the forest and the fish in the water with a gentleness that her ambassadors would never see. She loved her. And never in Clarke’s space-born dreams did she ever think she’d be so happy to see a dirty woman sitting astride a terrifying horse after three months of no contact. 

Clarke watched as the small group of horse riders filed into camp. They’d left to investigate a series of skirmishes and - if possible - settle them. With as satisfied as their faces were, it looked like they were successful. Her eyes caught on Lexa’s and all of the anxiousness that had coiled up within her for three months melted away. 

From a distance she could see Lexa carefully extract herself from her warriors and the greeting party, calmly leading her horse to where Clarke stood in the shade of the Ark. Her face morphed into a larger grin with each step and _oh_ Clarke was definitely in love. Woman and horse paused a foot away. 

“Hi” Her voice after so long was like music to Clarke’s ears. It was the softest lullaby and the loudest victory bell. 

“Hi. How was the ride?” She curled her fingers around Lexa’s free hand and was rewarded with Lexa twisting her wrist to hold hers (so _very_ gently). 

“It was good, easy”

“And the skirmishes?”

“An easily solvable border dispute” Clarke nodded and leaned more into the Commander of the 13 clans. She smelled a little ripe (the horse certainly didn’t help), but underneath that, Clarke managed to find what was really important and it soothed every part of her aching soul. In the year that they’ve been _together_ , she’d come to rely on that feeling, that new breath in her lungs every now and again. 

“Let’s get some food in you” Clarke tugged gently as Lexa hummed in agreement. Together, they brought the horse to the stables, ate lunch, and Lexa left for a brief shower as Clarke returned to the Med Wing to finish her shift. The Commander showed up, fresh and clean an hour later and sat in the corner so that she would only be a distraction when no one needed help. 

Dinner came slowly and so did Lexa later that night. Their tent, set just outside of the main Arkadia development, was warm and quiet as they lay catching their breath and Clarke couldn’t escape the thought that she wanted this _forever_. She rolled onto her side and extended her hand to trace slow circles on Lexa’s skin. There were a few new bruises that stood out against her otherwise perfect skin that she felt the need to trace, to ghost her fingers over to ensure their temporariness. 

All the while, she felt Lexa’s eyes on her, taking in the new muscle and tan. She’d exhausted herself and found no more energy left in her limbs to touch Clarke they way she was being touched. But the doctor knew and forced herself not to laugh at Lexa’s eyes which stayed closed longer and longer. There was that thought again. 

“Come to Polis with-”

“Marry m-” They cut themselves off the moment they heard the other speak. Clarke recovered first. “You want me to go to Polis with you?” Lexa, her eyes wide and awake now, nodded. 

“I can spend a lot of time here, but not for forever. My ambassadors and the people of the city have become...nervous in my absence. But I want you there. With me” she explained slowly. Clarke’s hand slowed to a crawl, then a stop, her palm flattening over Lexa’s ribs. 

If she left, she didn’t know how her mother would react, how Raven, Octavia, Finn, or Bellamy would react. But Clarke wanted this. _Forever_. 

“Okay” Lexa’s eyes managed to find a way to grow bigger. 

“You seem certain”

“I am” Her hand moved again and came to a rest on Lexa’s hip. 

“Very well”

“I want to marry you” Lexa wasted no time at all in her response. 

“Okay” Clarke raised an eyebrow. Did she know what was being asked?

“You seem certain” she echoed. An unexpected laugh burst from the exhausted woman’s chest. 

“I am” Clarke grinned and ducked her face against Lexa’s chest. She could feel the steady _thump-thump_ , _thump-thump_ with every breath and all she could think was that Lexa wanted forever too. She wanted late nights like this, she wanted early morning disasters, months of separation, stealing seconds in corners, she wanted it all. It was a heavy thought. 

Clarke was giddy. 

 

-

 

It wasn’t often that Clarke thought back to the time she grew up in a spaceship, surrounded by stars and nebula. More often than not, she let those times stay right where they were, long ago and far away. It was better sometimes. Because then it meant the past couldn’t taint the now. 

It couldn’t touch the way the handmaidens carefully painted on her ceremonial war paint. It didn’t touch the way her mother hugged her or how Titus bit back his scowl. It meant the way Lexa’s hand hovered over hers as they stood in front of all of Polis, reciting word after word when they could just say ‘forever’ was sacred in all that it was. There were small mercies to be had in life and Clarke was damned if she was going to let it slide by. 

But, like most things in life, everything circled back around. But not always in a bad way. 

Clarke found herself once again across a bonfire from the love of her life, Raven and Finn vaguely drunk beside her. Their own relationship was complicated and messy, but Raven was Raven, and she could figure those things out eventually. 

“You gonna ask her to dance yet?” Raven teased with a bump to her shoulder. Clarke grinned.

“I’m working up to it. You know I’m not the best dancer” Finn snorted and attempted to cover it up with his drink. 

“Well she’s certainly not going to dance with anyone else. You might as well get on with it” Raven urged. Lexa’s advisors were chatting animatedly at her shoulders, but her eyes were trained on Clarke and the doctor wanted to _taste_ that grin. 

“Might as well” The moment she rose from her seat, Clarke felt the eyes of the entire party land on her. But she didn’t care. Certainly not when Lexa stared up at her like she was in awe of her very existence. “Do you dance Commander?” Lexa was puzzled before she let out a laugh. 

“Are you asking?”

“I am”

“I do enjoy dancing from time to time”


End file.
